An even longer night.

Tonight possesses me to say these words:
Enough Marianas Trench to lose ourselves within the vibrations.
Leaf discovering. Who knew there were so many ugly ones. 

I like the our heart one best.
Scarier car rides with even scarier people.
Zombies days starts now. Why haven't we fucking done this in so long?
Okay. Chain smoking. Yum.
I really care about no one but you.
It's a wonderful feeling to have that reciprocated.
Not caring that we don't even care about not caring. But you know I care.
Why are we ruined?
Um. You are the best, more or less, I guess.
I can't believe he got in a wreck. Dammit.
Shaking.
Love you. The most.
I'm done.
Scars and Burns. Because they are the permanent ones.
Making out. :D
I wanna get married. To you

And now mayday parade saves the night once again. 

I love when such a thing happens to us.
The ghost one was not near as scary as i had wanted. 

I wont burn it anymore though.
Our heart one is the ugliest. By far.
It doesnt matter why we havent done this yet. 

Its happening now and will be the best out of the two. Just wait.
Im glad. Who else are we to care about? 

There is no one who can mean this much. 

Which is why we are getting married.
There is no argument about the better of us. 

I will always be number two. Its my favorite, anyway.
I kind of want to run around with your pool sticks and break things. 

Or can we throw plates into the ceiling and stand under them when they fall?

I know, but he is okay. No need to worry anymore. 

I almost had a small heart attack after that call, you watched me.
The most? I beleive i may love you most. 

More then the rest in this predictable world. 

Why is this not in our blog? Its your turn. 

Post something amazing, because i know its in you. 

Another reason i love you most.
The shapes of them will be like nothing we ever felt before. 

Ready for it?
Making out. Enough said.
You dont have to want to, its happening.

"And we'll both go down together. We may stay there forever." 

Also, I want to smush all of the best parts from Marianas Trench and quote them to you.

Like their masterpiece.

But I am not that talented.

And Mayday Parade.

I believe in getting lost.

"Does this deafening silence mean nothing to no one but me?"

I want to adopt our baby soon.

I think we played with leaves last zombie days. How could I have forgotten?

We all have mini heart attacks. I think I've had at least two tonight.

Poor car.

Yes, we need to post this to our blog. It's going to be so full by the end of Sunday night. I feel it.

Cranberry-raspberry. What could be better?

I'm re-doing my anchor.

You will re-do what?

I have a pirate merit for every time I threw up last night. Awesome.
I found a broken cup in my dishwasher today lol.
I should have kept it.
I want to stand under snow, while it falls. Letting it drip into our heads. Let's go find some snow.
We should just leave now and go somewhere better than here.
NOW.

I believe you can do it.
Give it a shot.
What will the baby be? And what name will we give it?
You might be right. Crunchy leaves? While walking around my town, i think it was..
If so, i could only slightly tell. 

Our mini heart attacks were harmless compared to the kind that make kids scream. 

Good thing we are so tough-hearted. 

Remember how we dont care about shit? 

Our hearts are troopers when it comes to life.
Well. Perhaps cranberry-raspberry with a hint of alcohol. Perhaps.
Sorry i stole your chair, love.
I suppose snow would be less bloody. More beautiful, of course. 

And the cold weather would make things a bit better 

than they are here in this sticky airflow of music and words.
Lets hit the road, then, shall we?

There's a wad of hair in my bathroom. I think It's mine.
Gross.
I'll be okay. Is that what you want me to say?
My neck keeps cracking.
I think It's broken. That's called breaking.
Can we make love in the ocean?
I swear that you don't have to go. I thought we could wait for the fireworks. 

I thought we could wait for the snow.
A boy baby. With the name Silver.

Crunchy ones. Remember that picture. When you stuck them in your hat?
You looked like a moose. In your back yard.
But I loved walking around your town.
Kept us alive.
Remember the first night? It was 6 in the morning. 

And we hadn't planned on not sleeping. And I was about to. But you made me shower. 

I wasn't tired after that.
We are the toughest people I know.
Perhaps a hint. (;
I was about to say. My chair!
You made me go get this freaking wooden one. It hurts my butt. I think. 

I can't really tell. But on any other night it would hurt me.
Snow is numbing. Might fix our problem here. Wait we already are. 

More wouldn't be any worse off, would it?
Get my keys, dear.

Um. A bit of that hair is mine as well. 

I brushed it with my fingers earlier and ripped a bunch out.
 Tell me its more than okay and i might believe you.
A clear ocean. With every underwater species swimming deep with us.
Just tonight i will see that its all because of me. 

Just tonight i will stay and we'll throw it all away.
Agreed. A silver son.
I do not remember. Does that picture still exist?
Of course. And we sat in my yard laying in the grass with blankets and starring into the sky. 

It was the most perfect of all perfect days.
At least your soft chair is back. 

The wooden has not bothered me yet. 

But we will see as the night goes on.
I can think of other things that pretend to fix our problem here. 

A trip outside?
Done and gone. Grab all the things you want most. 

We wont be coming back. Ever.
A road trip that lasts a lifetime

There's a disease where people rip their hair out constantly. 
I forgot what it's called though. One of Chelsea's friends had it.

With enough to salt to hide other salties.
I want him to have a birth mark.
In the shape of an animal.
We can top that day. It's our goal now.
That was a better trip outside than the last one.
I would grab you. There's nothing else I need.
With my converses one.
And my lighter.
Maybe a pen or two.
Let's make more lists.
One,
of all the things we need to clean.
Two,
of all the things we hate.
Three,
The tattoos we're getting.
You have to decide.
There's still so much air inside of my stomach.
I need it removed.
Four,
of all the things we want gone.
Including ourselves.

I have heard of that disease. I do not have it though, no worries.
Which animal? Can it be an elephant?
That was a very good trip. Another soon will take place. 

May even be better then the others. Only one way to find out.
And possibly our lives in paper and pen form. 

Might need those. How else will we survive? 

Without the words we wrote to keep us alive?
You will not make lists with me. Ive tried three times. And might try again.
Im feeling a bit of that air as well. 

Maybe just starvation kicking in? 

Can that be a way for us to die as well? 

Also, i want to go read our other list we have.

I had a dream I was a werewolf.
:)

I was hoping you would say an elephant.

Nice choice.
Yes, let's make another trip in a little bit.
I'm sad we didn't watch the sun rise from the other side of the earth.
Tomorrow, perhaps.
We will be bringing them.
We couldn't survive without them.
I have already started on my list by myself.
You can join me at any time.
It is definitely starvation.
We should eat?
I have food. That I bought. At that one store.
We already are dying by that. Right now...
Add it.
Where is that other list at?
I has dreams that bring me sadness.
Rain much deeper than a river.
Mourn the memories later,
laugh now alligator.

Oh yes. What other animal could i have chosen.
I made the trip alone that time. You are attempting to sleep. 

Not that i will let you any time soon. 

Look how far you've come. Ill make you shower if i have to.
Our lists are not as similar as i had expected. 

A few things though, yes, are alike. When shall we start our next list?
Ah, right. Biscuits. And they were deliciously made. Thank you.
No longer is starvation sinking inside me. Or you.
The other list is on myspace. 

I should possible copy it down before myspace goes out of business. 

I assume it will soon. Facebook took over the world. 

The only person i know who does not have a facebook is my dear friend, john.
Goodness. What a song that CocoRosie has written.

-T&S

Thick Chains.

I’m coming home tonight.

No new faces await the door slam I will give in to.

Just twisted ceiling tiles and pool sticks.

The vibrations of my life have given me such much more, and so much less to lose.

I will live only for your loss.

I have my glue, ready to stick inside of paper what you have given me.

A leaf.

Spotted with black mold.

It is fading.

Such as our hearts are dying.

They are the same.

Do not tell me I cannot carve into my skin the joy you leave me.

This world is made of plastic forks.

I have taken all of the knives.

They are in my collection.

Ready to slice away at the fog in my way.

You sat there.

Inside of luxury.

Stared into me, and past me.

And then drove away.

With no words.

No looking into the back now.

The rest of you is far out of my memory.

I remember not caring.

Now I do not care, that I cannot even care.

About you. That pill.

Our moments.

Your memories of other girls.

As we laid in my bed.

You are all the way gone.

I am lost, trying to find,

what is not even there.

-Swillow

For documentational purposes.

If my light were to die,
the white parts of my life that you hold now would turn into shades of gray.
And slowly crack in the darkest of blacks.
I would be wholly consumed by this lack of space,
with your absence.
My hands would turn cold as my heart would also do.
If your spirit left my world, mine would soon follow.
As the plans have been in order.
I cannot be here with out you, Talor Carder. 

Thinking in class.

I fell  while moving to catch you.

I lost while running against the wind.

                  And you.                                  

You flew over head leaving me behind.

"It hurts that he's still shaking 

from the secrets that were told."

And you left me here to swallow the ocean alone. 

My teeth are hurting and rotting and breaking.

The ocean is the most unhealthy

without you here to bring the rain.

I notice the sky, 

the missing sun, 

the grey air filled with fog and wetness.

Driving alone with songs in my head.

I scream them to the clouds and the empty roads. 

My vision blurred with tears and 

my voice hoarse with little sound.

Im driving

and screaming

and weeping.

P.S. 

Im glad that we agree.

Oh yes, but you did not.

I miss you again, dear.


-T

Skinny Fists.

I wonder if I told my lips and teeth to stop chattering from the midnight air,
what else would start to shake on my body.
And if the cold could consume me from the inside out.
Or if you, with all of your frozen fingers, would come around.
On my side of the island, there is only beauty in the form of swollen tongues,
and eyes that will not close.

I once saw a young child.
Walking through the trees unaware of any danger.
I showed him my disease,
and then shape shifted into the atmosphere.
He was afraid.

I once lost the upper hand.
I saw that I was only the hot coals between your hands.
So turned into liquid form so you wouldn't drop me.
I slipped through you anyways.

Like a comet I tracked down your sideburns and hairy thighs.
And searched for something to tell me this isn't what I thought it could be.
And now that I’m left with only your imprint on my marked and naked body,
I can only stare down the chance that I will always be just outside of your reach.

I wish I could capture the emotion behind my closing eyes,
For they fall asleep before anyone can see the crimson linings.
&

I wish that I didn't have to think about the way your hands cradled mine.
Like a tree overgrown and surrounding all that it needs to survive.
Full of vines and forgotten laughter over whose side of the bed I was on.
But I know only of your broody tastes of vinegar.
Sour, and dripping down my back.

-Swillow

Icee.

9:55 PM

Drinking my bones and shredding the drips of oil on my skin. 

I walked outside at noon.

But turned and returned at a minute past.

Feeding my voice through the blades of a fan.

splitting my words and having them fall, 

making sentences of their own.

A song is only a song when music is playing.

Music is only music forever.

"Play louder, my loving sound.."

I cant bring the breeze of the spring into the middle of the summer rains.

i cant cover the earth with snowy blankets, 

brittle and dry leaves, 

or the feeling that someone out there wants someone 

who is wanting someone to want them.

I just cant do that.

And all that in between, 

the strings left, 

just waiting and waiting to be tied together, 

or even tied down to something. 

Anything. 

Just to be somewhere other than where they are.

I know that you are watching me, sun.

Stop shining your lightness of joy and happiness on my colorless pile of a home. 

Im blind for the entire few minutes you stay.

Goodbye. 

You'll be back in the next 8 years 

and i wont even see a glimpse of you until that time comes. 

Sometimes the melody of a song 

can say and mean so much more 

than the actual words it speaks.

-

-

I remember being kissed.

I mean, really kissed.

When my throat would feel like its closing,

and my eyes would flutter.

Making it so hard to concentrate on anything but his mouth.

Damn.

-

P.S. Sarah. 

Im going to make you promise that you will not go without me.

That way, if you are there, ill be there too.

Like it should be, always.

"With a little poison we can burn this whole place down, 

to the ground again."

-T 

Crackling in the Dark.

You and I, we are clueless and waterfalls.
We speak of showdowns, but all I can see is your stare down.
As you pretend not to notice the short intake of breath.
And me, knocking my head into place.

I never used to lie down in green pastures.
But now I cannot help living the life of an elf.
Giving stars away in the hands of those who do not travel lightly.
Breaking the backs of elephants with warrior tales pinned to their ears.

So misunderstood, yet so perturbed.

All I wish for is one last taste of your lips. 
To live my life in splendor. To fix me up.
Like a queen.

Part of me wanted to wish you a happy birthday.
But I let the moments slide between the seconds.
And the hours turned into clouds of heat stroke.

I soon forgot.

I saw you slipping between the dexterity of my fingers.
And before I could realize what had happened,
your sideshows and pit stops turned into a black hole.
It sunk me in deeper and stronger.

Until I could smell the sunlight on your skin.
I longed to gnaw on this sunlight,
But you threw your scarf of distance over my bright show.
Leaving me in the shadow.

I wanted to show you all I can’t be.
Because all I can, is lost at sea.

-Swillow